When are you having a baby? Everyone's having babies. It's very au courant. All the e-trade and Apple ads are targeted at 30-year-olds with babies. I think an e-commerce site selling babies could do very well, even in this market. Think of the customer base. Every time you see a Pilot, a Game Boy or a Tamagotchi, that's a sale. But you say, those are VIRTUAL babies. REAL babies are a bigger commitment. They won't sell as well. But that's just the brilliance of it. Our website won't sell WHITE babies, silly! The supply is miniscule and the cost of labor is exorbitant. Anyway, we don't want to incur the capital costs of production -- at least not up front. There's already an installed base of suppliers -- you've got it -- overseas adoption agencies. We'd just be baby-aggregators -- middlemen, or midwives, if you prefer. And the key selling point -- we'd have to be subtle about it in our ads, so we don't incur the wrath of the SPCA -- but the selling point, obviously, is that since they're not little WHITE babies, you don't have to feel guilty about returning it when you're done playing with it. See? THIS is the value-added service that the adoption agencies don't provide. THIS is our selling point: buyback (after depreciation). The great thing about this is that it doesn't matter what color the baby is when it's a BABY. Why, even recalcitrant racist troglodytes think little colored babies are as cute as any other kind. Even cuter! So you can see, it's a sure thing.
But the best part is this: we have THREE revenue streams! First, poor benighted mothers in the dark corners of the uncivilized world PAY US to take their baby and place it with a nice American family. Yes. But this would be our smallest revenue stream, and we'd probably lose money -- we'd have to set up indenture arrangements, you know, and it might not be worth the cost of the paperwork. SECOND, we take in revenue from American parents buying our adorable little moppets. In the first five years of the business model, this is our principal revenue stream. But our THIRD revenue stream is the best of all. We buy it back, at a fraction of the price -- when it finally has some production value! Our customers are paying US so that THEY can make ALL the major investments in the baby. They're not just taking the vast majority of the depreciation -- they're actually selling it for a loss, just when it starts having labor value! We'd buy them back and put them to work. Anything, really. Children's hands are perfect for the sort of delicate manufacturing that yields good profit. And when they got to be 12 or 13, we'd have them start producing their own babies. That way, we could control our own supply! I figure that by the time we retire, we'll have been able to eliminate overseas production entirely.
We're gonna be rich, Mary! I like this idea so much, I'm gonna post it on my website right now.
